Tea Party Announcement - Brewhaha with a Burqa

'Homely women" will love it, says Paezzano

Oct 27 2015;

UPS; Rooters;

Toronto, Ontario, Canada,

Tomasino Paezzano announced today a proposal for National  Burqa Day to, in his words, " Show support for dem types dat wear dese tings. You know, an all inclusive type deal. Like a buffet".

Told free women would be offended as the burqa represents oppression of women to many, he replied,

Party studying the "Jerka" for men hood sold separately

" Fiddle Faddle. I tinks women will enjoy supporting da 3 or 4 othas across da country who insist to wear the full ting, and at da same time, get a day off from using foundation...not only dat, imagine frowning at someone you normally wouldn't, like your mate, or smiling at someone forbidden...Hey, it gives dem an outlet for a day..who knows maybe da husbands will take it to da bedroom Y'mean? Capeche?...Hey don't knock it unless you've tried it."

Told some may find this offensive Paezzano, the controversial supposed "self-made-man" millionaire leader of the fledgling Tea Brewhaha Party, shrugged and replied, " Whatya gonna do?", then jumped into a waiting limo while looking at his watch, pointing at it like it was going to explode, and leaving.

Tea BHH Party reveals partial Election Strategy

Rooter; UPS; Toronto, Canada

No more free reading for goody goodies

The Tea Brewhaha Party revealed part of their election platform today after months of speculation and excuses. Tea BHH spokesperson Tomassino Paezzano revealed, at a hastily called news conference, that their tax strategy would be called The Robin Good strategy...

" Heh,heh..get it? Like Robin Hood, but Good..hehe..yea I taughta dat myself...heh heh. Anyways, Dis entails taxing everything good for you with a sort of a tax..Well, not sort of, it is a tax.

Now all doughs goody goodies will get der fair share of taxation type tings and all dat too....By my calculations, dis will collect an extra...trillion dollars in revenues, more den enough to line our pockets er.. line up rockets...Er..yea..da space program..also our Greenback Program..but we'll get to dat anudder time. Until den, take oot eas'." After which jumped into a waiting limo, saluted, and left.

Fresh air is for goody goodies - tax it in parks says TBHH Party

Free music on the street? Not with TBHH's  new street music pleasure tax.

Clockworks Orange - Anti-Terrorist Plan Tea BH Party reveals

Big Brother listening

Rooters; UPS; Ottawa, Ontario, Canada;

Tea Brewhaha Party leader, Tomassino Paezzano, announced the TBH plan to crack down on terrorism including what they call, "Clockworks Orange", referring to the orange jump suits one presumes the caught terrorists would be wearing.

The multi-point plan includes flagging every family with someone bearing the name Muhamed, or any facsimile of it, as well as creating "no go zones" that Canadians will not be allowed to go to including Russia, Serbia, most middle east countries, North Korea, China, Chechnya, Viet Nam, Pakistan, parts of Germany and possibly Greece...depending. Some paintings inside parliament, and statues, including 'gargoyle types, would be fitted with cameras and bugs in the plan.

Says Paezzano on his run for leadership of the country,

" Hey, I was de original. Trump is nuttin but a cheap freakin copy and a bum. He couldn't build a freakin' wall if I fronted him bricks, mortar, and a bribe. Me, I could, no problem, Er, ah, I mean...Let me tell you about our Clockworks Orange Plan which spots potential future bomb makers, through identifyin' dere early years interest in clocks. Hey, intervention before indeterminate detention I always say... Well, I don't always say that, and, actually dat was hard fo me but..(clears throat)... Anyway! As I say, we tink we're on da rights tracks."

Informed Canadians don't actually wear orange in our jails either he looked briefly confused, or disturbed, before replying,

 " Yea well dat will change too under Paezzano leadership....No orange who eva hoid a such a ting. Ridicoolus.""

Paezzano would fit seagulls with recording devises

York Region Housing Plan - Fed - Ex

Newmarket's new woman's shelter

The Tea Brewhaha Party has announced its plan for affordable housing using York Region as its potential test model to roll it out in should they get a candidate elected.

With York Region about to finish building its newest women's shelter, this one hopes to shelter homeless single women from across Ontario, the Party brass wondered where the women would go after their two week stays were up, given the lack of affordable housing for singles in York Region with a 12 - 18 year waiting list for social housing, and the least amount of apartments / home owners ratios in the entire country?

"Our plan includes labeling the person in a certain category such as Aboriginal or Muslim or Italian and then having the person shipped to any housing anywhere in Ontario set up specifically for their type", spokesperson and candidate Tomasino Paessano relayed yesterday, adding,

" Hey, you want housing, you gets what you gets. We tink it's fair and den people can live in harmony with dere own types."

Told this seemed segregational and possibly racist or a human rights violation Paezzano replied,

To be run by Salvation Army Church

What are you talking about? This is the existing model we have now. We're just offering to pay the costs to gets em dere. Why should an aboriginal be in a shelter here when we can ships em to an existing available home on a reserve, or a Muslim have to use a shelter run by Christians whens we can heave em housed wit der own kind."

Footnote: York Region / Ontario does indeed have assisted social housing wherein you must be a certain "type" to get in including the aforementioned " communities".

Tea Brewhaha at Party Announcement

Paezzano readies for press conference

Rooters, UPS; Special Deliver; Toronto, Canada

Tomassino Paezzano came out swinging yesterday at a news conference, demanding the fledgling Tea Brewhaha Party be given official party status and a spot in the federal election debates, literally, as he knocked down his own speech writer like a scene out of The Three Stooges while overheard yelling,

" You idiot! I'll give dem so many lefts dey'll be begging for a right!"

When Paezzano finally gathered his group together he shouted,

" Dis is an outrage. We demand a spot with da big boys. Our pockets are as full as anybody's and in dis country dat makes us equals...or something like dat".

Reminded his party had no official status nor anyone anywhere voted in, ever, he replied,

" Mrs Paezzano" with Tomassino after his swanky conference

" Hey, what are ya new? We're new. Cut us some slack heea. Don't means we can't compete. Da people has to know about us and dis is one way to do it. Besides dey need new blood in da oval office or whateva its called."

Told the polls already indicated a new party is likely taking office, he replied,

" See. Dat's my point. Peoples wants's change and we wants's to give it to's 'em."

Tea BH Party announces anti-terrorism plan

Rooters; UPS; Newmarket, Ontario, Canada

TP gets serious in Ottawa

The Tea Brewhaha Party today announced their policy on combating home grown terrorism with party leader Tomassino Paezzano declaring the party would, " Annihilate da bastads", through a series of raids.

"Foist we wants to hit em where dey hoits by knocking out dere power, den dey will have no choice but to come to approach and when dey do, bam! We nail-em. No one is going to be terrorizing neighbahoods by growing low grade medicinal pot from households whilst I'm in govament"

TP licks 1st sap of season to open Pancake Breakfast

Told home grown terrorism had to do with Islamic extremists like ISIS and not " illegal" medicinal marijuana growers, he froze for a moment, twitched his upper lip and added,

"Seriously? I knew dat, I knew dat..I meant extreme Rastas..not as well known as ISIS and dem guys but nevadaless terrorist-like and cause for concoin we tink."

Informed that Rastafarian was actually a peace loving religion he replied,

"Yea, dat's what dey said about Muslims."

Crickets could be heard at that point.

Tea BHH Party Announces Position on Foreign Swear Wear

Tom Mulcair

Tea Brewhaha leader Thomasino Paessano announced yesterday in Toronto that he has almost come to an understanding with Thomas Mulcair and the Federal NDP Party to join them in a merger need be in the next election. Reminded their party had yet to elect a single candidate in any riding, Paezzano the self claimed multi-millionaire replied,

" Details, details. Our polls tell us different...and we tinks we gots a pretty good shot."

TDSB Trustee Ausma Malik

Paezzano, who managed to infiltrate a recent NDP rally in order to make his plea personally to Mulcair, declared they and the NDP were close to a deal but that the official opposition leader wanted concessions to the Tea Brewhaha's proposed "anti-newby" legislation they've managed to have someone raise in parliament  asking that Scottish kilts and tams be officially exempt from being excluded from any Canadian swearing in ceremonies.

Informed they already could, Paezzano looked semi stunned for a second before stammering,

Jennifer Hollett

" What? Well dat's not what da Scottish community is telling us. We're bein' told dey get freakin' mocked when dey wear da kilts and tams, never mind da freakin socks, and with the recent naqim or naqib or whateva controversy, dey wants no future problems with wearing tams and da like. Freak, naqib isn't even on  da freakin' spell check! Anyway I have confidence Mulcair will come around and if not we'll just work on buying off, er I mean tying off Trudeau's people..Capeche?"

Paezzano sneaks in with lighting crew

Asked about his meeting with Mulcair, Paezzano mumbled they didn't have time to talk in length, but that an understanding came to pass between them while both were in the bathroom to further chat at a later date.

" Besides", said Paezzano, "Dat chick hostess in da short red dress was freakin' smokin"

Told comments like that were sexist and that Mulcair would not condone such talk, Paezzano rolled his eyes, blew upwards at his hair, and retorted,

Mulcair sticks finger in Paezzano's ear while revealing an NDP secret

" Freak, can't even give a dame a compliment dese days witout the patrol on my case. I never even said she was sexy. I may have thought it, but I never said it wit my mouth. Out loud I mean. You know whats I means." before adding, " It's like da white element in da room."

Asked, "The white elephant you mean?", Paeassano stuttered slightly before replying, "Whateva", you knows whats i means." before exiting the conference.

Tea Party Brewhaha promises to End Homelessness in 100 Days

Paezzano in Ottawa a bust

The Tea Brewhaha Party recently announced its plan to end homelessness called, the 100 Day War on Homelessness. In the plan, the party promises to eliminate homelessness completely within 100 days by using a combination of collaborating entities that come together to root out homelessness from the ground up. So says party President and spokes- person Tomasino Paezzano in announcing the components contained in their " battle plan",

"Dese Sonobitches will be homed if it's dah last breath I takes", stated Paezzano at a recent media scrum to announce the new plan,

"If we haves to drag 'em, to save dere asses - like a war guy saving a fallen ally - den dat's what we gonna do." adding,

Trust him, Tea Brewhaha's President looks politician-like

"We've used enough trendy toims like, collaboration, sustainability and diversity, to choke Linda Lovelace. Er, maybe I'll rephrase dat, being wit all da sexual harrassments and such dese days... to choke a gay gu....er..ah...neva mind what it chokes! All I know is it's inclusive of all da woids we was supposed to be inclusive to."

The plan, which apparently calls for rounding up anyone homeless and shipping them to an as yet undisclosed ' camp", where they will be purportedly dried out from substances cold turkey and forced to fight for limited amounts of food and shelter strategically located in the remote northern location all of which will be videotaped for a reality tv show to be sold to the US markets.

It's final stage component is known as Operation Canberia, to be a joint China - Canada initiative, with agreements set in place to allow the Chinese to glean any free labour they can from from factories set up on the island in lieu of allowing Canadians to do trade business with Chinas booming  market which is artificially induced using slave labour. It is rumoured they will offer the homeless men, and some women, noodle packs and rice jerky in order to entice.

Says Paezzano of the apparent trade-off of rights for the sake of doing business, " Hey, let's face it, nobody wants dese guys as is, dat's why we don't build enough shelters or homes for 'em or provide 'em wit enough to buy food. And da whole woild is clamoring over itself to do business with China and da States so we got both while only sacrificing people no one really cares about. Hey, I'm just doing what da people want. Der actions have spoken".

Tea BHH Party Announces Amendment to Proposed Bill

Rooters: UPS: Immediate Release: North America

Concerns people will purposely hunt down road kill prevail

The Tea Brewhaha Party announced plans today to amend their previously announced, so called, "Roadkill Bill", to include feeding the poor by allowing for food banks to accept so called "road kill" which would be fed through meal programs to the needy.

Concerns around contamination from the health ministry in regards to the transportation and preparation of the road kill were met with blank stares by T.Bhaha Party President Tomasino Paezzano,

Domestic animals too?

"Look, don't yous guys watch TV? What's dat cussin British Chef guy always preaching? Fresher is better? Eat local, etc, all dat stuff? So don't tell me I'm in da wrong." Adding, 

"Besides, I've been working on a plan wit' Toronto Mayor Ford in regards to some special additions to da menu which we'll be announcing at a future date. I can't say too much at dis time, but let's just say we will also be eliminating another animal problem at da same time. No frickin' animals are going to hold my town hostage. These things don't even freakin' blink".

Easter dinner for the poor?

The controversial Paezzano, who also announced plans to open a " Right Wing Rehab Center" called the Rob Ford Clinic recently, then unveiled two new street name changes to help demonstrate a spirit of cooperation between the Mayor and Police Chief Blair. 

Informed the Chief has announced his plans to resign and polls have Ford in third, Paezzano seemed stunned for a moment before saying, " Yea, well dat's your opinion," hopping into a waiting limo and driving off.

York Region Police Open Training Centre for Zapping

Laser Play "lair headquarters"

Tomasino Paeazzano, Leader of the Tea Brew Ha Ha Party came out swinging - or shooting rather - with a laser gun at a news conference he called to denounce the York Region police announcement that Y.R. police would now have the ability to use laser or electric zappers on unruly apprehendees.

Said Paezzano, 'Giving cops da right to zap people is like giving sharks da right to feast on a bust open whale gut. Ok maybe dere's no connection, but zapping is definitely bad news. Who's to say dese coppers won't use it like dey did in da old days - on dere balls...and wit equal right dese days vaginas"

Paezzano continued his news conference by unveiling pictures of what he described as a secret lair being used by local police to train in laser combat for use in controlling unruly citizens.

Told they were pictures of a new laser tag entertainment location in town called Laser Play, and not a secret mission, and some off duty officers had stopped in for some fun he looked " shocked" for a moment before replying,

' Yea, right, and I suppose da lasers don't hurt".

Laser Play is located at 1805 Leslie St Newmarket, Ontario, Canada. 
Maybe it is a training location. Check it out for yourself! 905-895-6340

TP Bitter Niagara Falls Green Party MPP Candidate Left Out Debate

Greens want their place at table back

UPS: Rooters;Tea Brewhaha Party leader Tomassino Paezzano came to the defense of Niagara Falls MPP Green Party candidate, Clarke Bitter yesterday, when Bitter was excluded from an on air radio debate with other provincial candidates, claiming his own party, the Tea Brewhaha Party has also been excluded from not only TV and radio debates, but public ones, and including the "after parties" as well.

Told the Green Party actually had someone in parliament & Green candidates running in both Canadian provincial & federal ridings across the country during elections, Paezzano stated,

 " Pffft...that's what dey hoid for yeas demselves. Our green plan, da "Greenback Program", is greener den money. We makes da Green Paaty look Blue. Y'mean? Capeche?

Bitter was reportedly bitter about the media snub and could not be reached, apparently door knocking at press time in the bitter cold.The Liberals, Conservatives and N.D.P. were too busy debating to comment.

Tea Party Brewhaha Explains War on Women declares War on Family Planning

Rooters; Ottawa, Ontario, Canada; UPS;

Tea Brewhaha Party President, Tomasino Paezzano, declared last night his statements that, " More women are needed in da home work force", and "women are da backbone of our baby makin' " were made to reflect the growing need for our society to "get back to basics", adding,


" Let's face facts. Men can't have da babies, much as dey try. Gay or not. So Women control dat situation. Our program evens da playing field up a bit and offers incentives to push women back into da homes and bedrooms, and we tink it will not only help increase the population type tings here, but as well, encourage more nurturing and stable-like environments. You know, kinda like hoases. Pet em every now and den, ride em, feed em and every ting's okay."

Told the definition of "stable' translated differently into English than his plan, which also includes making it mandatory for all non-child bearing women over 27 years of age to be housed at a state of the art women's shelter, and then put to work as " volunteers" in their " Step Back program" in the legal casinos he has planned as part of his " economics-type programs" appeared to be sexist, and would bring people back into the 60's era as far as women's rights, he replied,

" Yea, well, what was wrong wit "Leave It to Beaver" and "Bewitched" and "Lucy". Everyone knew dese women belonged at home and when dey ventured out dey gots hoit and in trouble - every time - and da families suffud. We shoulda loined from dem."

Informed they were not real people and only t.v. shows written by writers, Paezzano, known for his outrageous stunts, who claims to be  "independently wealthy" and hail originally from "somewhere in Europe", looked stunned for a second before responding,

"Pff..Yea...den explain Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Charles Bronson, Sylvesta Stallone and Aunode Swarzzenegga.

We couldn't.

New Candidate for York Regional Council

TP takes election show to the local shops

Rooters; UPS; Newmarket, Ontario, Canada;

Paezzano to bring MLG to Markham - "cheaper than building one"

Fledgling Party leader and  Tea Brewhaha Party founder , Tomassino Paezzano, called a press conference today, to declare his municipal candidacy for the York Region Council's Chairman seat being vacated by current, and 12 year chair, Bill Fisch, at the end of the term.

Paezzano wants to replace "vulgar panty shot porno" RH statue

Stated Paezzano after unveiling parts of his platform in regards to the position, " I tink I gots what it takes to run dis ting. If I have to shut down transit for 4 months to prove a point, like Fisch did, I tink I have just the right amount of balls to do it. Y'mean? Gotta hand it to 'im - Da 2nd longest transit strike in Canadian history and now highest transit fares in da country. What a legacy!"

Told, Fisch hadn't acted alone, that all the Regional Councilors and Mayors in York Region were responsible for that 2012-13 Christmas and New Year's present that devastated families, and that the Chair position is presently appointed by those same Councilors, as opposed to voted in by the public, he responded,

Paezzano wants to hire youth graffiti Artists s for region paint jobs

"You're kiddin right? You're serious. Dat's great! Den alls I gotta do is convince dese guys I'm da guy! Maybe some home visits are needed den to, ah, you know, let dem know what type of guy I am and stuff ", adding, " Yea, me and Vinny will make a point of it. Capeche?", before winking and jumping into his waiting limo.

Politician Scandal - TP accused of performing in All Male Strip Dance Review

Special Report: Rooters; UPI:
Tea Brewhaha Party President Tomassino Paeazzano denied today that he is the feature dancer, " El Camino" seen performing strip shows for women across the country this past year, and to be featured at an upcoming Fri Jan 3 2014 feature show at Stellar Hall in Newmarket, Ontario, Canada.

" El Camino" who wears a mask and has an appeal the women describe as " like Zorro on valium", uses a signature rope lassoing trick during the show and incapacitates the women temporarily as he "performs" for them. Women have been known to faint in anticipation of his roping.

Said Paexzzano of the rumour, started when he was purportedly caught taking the mask off after a show,
"You really tink I have da balls to be dis El Camino character? Faggetabaddit. I was just tryin da mask on."

Told he was also only wearing a g-string at the time Paezzano replied, " 

Hey, I just wanted to see what it felt like. You know, wit you parts all cocooned up like. It was different. But no for me." Adding, "Also, need be, I was in a drunken stupor".

TP Opens The Rob Ford Clinic - Rehab Centre for right wingers

TP courts NDP Leader Andrea Horwath

The "No Gravy Room"

Rooters; UPI; Immediate Release: Tea Brewhaha Party President #Tomasino Paezzano today announced his intention to run provincially in the election. Paezzano, a  professed self made millionaire and immigrant from "somewhere in Europe" made the expected announcement after cutting the ribbon to his newest venture called "The Rob Ford Clinic", an airport wing shaped rehab centre for "right wing politicians and senators".

                           Asked about his chances of gaining a seat over the more known parties including the surging upstart Greens, TP replied,


" I got dem freakin' saps right wheres I wants em. Da Cons is cracking up due to der name sakes and will spend da campaign explaining da feds' lies, while da Liberals gots oil all over dem, and da greens is too green right now to win. Dat leaves da NDP, and last I hoid she was single. Remember Belinda Stronach? Capeche? Y'mean?" before winking and adding,


"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a rehab centre to invent."

Drunken Stupor Rob Ford Video w Tea Brewhaha leader

Paezzano disguised as a little person at Ford Fest

News Flash! Rooters; Special Release:

Another video released by the Toronto Star depicting Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, and allegedly just off camera Tea Brewhaha party leader Tomassino Paeazzano thought to be the one heard encouraging Ford to " do it in 5 minutes", allegedly referring to a "hit" Ford wanted carried out on an individual - a wish he apparently wanted to carry out in person according to the video footage.

Ford, who is obviously impaired in the video while carrying out the threats of violence to an unknown person, had just stated the day previously that there was " nothing more to hide". He may want to retract that now.


Reached for comment T.B.H.H. party president Tomassino Paezzano had this to say,

"I do not smoke crack cocaine, nor am I an addict of crack cocaine. Also, I would never off someone dat way."

Ford was quoted saying, " Obviously I was extremely, extremely inebriated"

Ford Nation Closes Doors

Rooters; Special Report; Toronto, Canada

With the admission by Toronto's Mayor Rob Ford  today that he did indeed smoke crack cocaine once "in a drunken stupour"- as seen in the alleged video - a slew of people have left Ford Nation.

Angry "Ford heads" exit Ford Nation

Said one person stopped while leaving as to why?

"Why do you think? He's a heat score now" then turned and bent to pick up a pebble or something.

Tea Brewhaha Party President Tomassino Paeazzano spotted among the deserters added,

" Whatya gonna do? Forgetabaddit!"

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford..Now You See Him...

NOW YOU DON'T

Helicopter Crashes City TV Party

Rooters: UPI:  

Tea Brewhaha Party President, Tomassino Paezzano, was named in a helicopter " joyriding" incident along with fellow millionaire and embattled Toronto Mayor, Rob Ford, last night with both seen circling the Toronto Sun and City TV media buildings, reportedly hovering close-by while looking in the windows, with Ford allegedly shouting,

"How do you Fzzx@##! like it!" and "Warmington, you chicken sh#@! Come out and pla-a-y-y!", referring to a Toronto Sun reporter whom Ford believes unfairly targeted him, followed by tossing several empty bottles at the windows of the building, before fleeing skyward towards the Toronto Star building. 

Angry crackheads leave Rob Ford Nation

Asked about the incident Paezzano denied being the pilot / chauffeur saying only,

"I have neva charged da mayor or any taxpaya for heliecopta related expenses, and should I have done as you say, I would have then done so", then quickly leaving before anyone could decipher what he'd said.

Newmarket's Glenway Residents Want Their Green Space Back

Bathurst St location

Rooters: Special; TPE News: Newmarket, Ontario, Canada

Tea Brewhaha Party President, Tomassino Paezzano, has taken up billboards across the province of Ontario to push his new green platform called "Green Back". Paezzano's plan apparently involves having towns sell off all their available property to "environmentally friendly developers" which would be determined by an appointed board to be formed at a future time.

Told this particular property was the last remaining undeveloped green space in town and that the " Green" movement actually was for preserving and not developing green space Paezzano responded,

" What? Are you frickin serious? Where I come from green means money, and I'm sure I'm not alone on dat. Right guys?"...." Guys? Where the frick is everyone?"(crickets chirping)

In other related local news, embattled Newmarket Councillor Maddie Du Muccio, embroiled in an ongoing dispute with Mayor Tony Van Bynen, has asked the mayor for an apology following an incident in which she claims the mayor was disrespectful. The mayor has thus far refused and when asked for a comment he was allegedly heard to mutter, 

" I don't smoke crack"

Town council meeting

Asked to clarify, Mayor Van Bynen stated he was merely saying that at least he didn't smoke crack - referring to the well publicized Toronto Mayors video - and that he had been speaking quietly to someone else, privately. 


Pushed again for comment on Ms. Dumuccio's allegations, the former bank teller turned manager turned mayor replied,

Alleged obscene gesture

" I have too much respect for my daughters, mother, aunts, friends' daughters, sisters, grand-mothers, hostel women, single moms, women women, you name it, to answer that question. Now if you'll excuse me I have a car dealership opening to attend."

At press time, a motion to hire a mediator at an estimated cost of $30,000 dollars was being considered.

TPE News