Tea Party Brewhaha promises to End Homelessness in 100 Days

Paezzano in Ottawa a bust

The Tea Brewhaha Party recently announced its plan to end homelessness called, the 100 Day War on Homelessness. In the plan, the party promises to eliminate homelessness completely within 100 days by using a combination of collaborating entities that come together to root out homelessness from the ground up. So says party President and spokes- person Tomasino Paezzano in announcing the components contained in their " battle plan",

"Dese Sonobitches will be homed if it's dah last breath I takes", stated Paezzano at a recent media scrum to announce the new plan,

"If we haves to drag 'em, to save dere asses - like a war guy saving a fallen ally - den dat's what we gonna do." adding,

Trust him, Tea Brewhaha's President looks politician-like

"We've used enough trendy toims like, collaboration, sustainability and diversity, to choke Linda Lovelace. Er, maybe I'll rephrase dat, being wit all da sexual harrassments and such dese days... to choke a gay gu....er..ah...neva mind what it chokes! All I know is it's inclusive of all da woids we was supposed to be inclusive to."

The plan, which apparently calls for rounding up anyone homeless and shipping them to an as yet undisclosed ' camp", where they will be purportedly dried out from substances cold turkey and forced to fight for limited amounts of food and shelter strategically located in the remote northern location all of which will be videotaped for a reality tv show to be sold to the US markets.

It's final stage component is known as Operation Canberia, to be a joint China - Canada initiative, with agreements set in place to allow the Chinese to glean any free labour they can from from factories set up on the island in lieu of allowing Canadians to do trade business with Chinas booming  market which is artificially induced using slave labour. It is rumoured they will offer the homeless men, and some women, noodle packs and rice jerky in order to entice.

Says Paezzano of the apparent trade-off of rights for the sake of doing business, " Hey, let's face it, nobody wants dese guys as is, dat's why we don't build enough shelters or homes for 'em or provide 'em wit enough to buy food. And da whole woild is clamoring over itself to do business with China and da States so we got both while only sacrificing people no one really cares about. Hey, I'm just doing what da people want. Der actions have spoken".

Tea BHH Party Announces Amendment to Proposed Bill

Rooters: UPS: Immediate Release: North America

Concerns people will purposely hunt down road kill prevail

The Tea Brewhaha Party announced plans today to amend their previously announced, so called, "Roadkill Bill", to include feeding the poor by allowing for food banks to accept so called "road kill" which would be fed through meal programs to the needy.

Concerns around contamination from the health ministry in regards to the transportation and preparation of the road kill were met with blank stares by T.Bhaha Party President Tomasino Paezzano,

Domestic animals too?

"Look, don't yous guys watch TV? What's dat cussin British Chef guy always preaching? Fresher is better? Eat local, etc, all dat stuff? So don't tell me I'm in da wrong." Adding, 

"Besides, I've been working on a plan wit' Toronto Mayor Ford in regards to some special additions to da menu which we'll be announcing at a future date. I can't say too much at dis time, but let's just say we will also be eliminating another animal problem at da same time. No frickin' animals are going to hold my town hostage. These things don't even freakin' blink".

Easter dinner for the poor?

The controversial Paezzano, who also announced plans to open a " Right Wing Rehab Center" called the Rob Ford Clinic recently, then unveiled two new street name changes to help demonstrate a spirit of cooperation between the Mayor and Police Chief Blair. 

Informed the Chief has announced his plans to resign and polls have Ford in third, Paezzano seemed stunned for a moment before saying, " Yea, well dat's your opinion," hopping into a waiting limo and driving off.

York Region Police Open Training Centre for Zapping

Laser Play "lair headquarters"

Tomasino Paeazzano, Leader of the Tea Brew Ha Ha Party came out swinging - or shooting rather - with a laser gun at a news conference he called to denounce the York Region police announcement that Y.R. police would now have the ability to use laser or electric zappers on unruly apprehendees.

Said Paezzano, 'Giving cops da right to zap people is like giving sharks da right to feast on a bust open whale gut. Ok maybe dere's no connection, but zapping is definitely bad news. Who's to say dese coppers won't use it like dey did in da old days - on dere balls...and wit equal right dese days vaginas"

Paezzano continued his news conference by unveiling pictures of what he described as a secret lair being used by local police to train in laser combat for use in controlling unruly citizens.

Told they were pictures of a new laser tag entertainment location in town called Laser Play, and not a secret mission, and some off duty officers had stopped in for some fun he looked " shocked" for a moment before replying,

' Yea, right, and I suppose da lasers don't hurt".

Laser Play is located at 1805 Leslie St Newmarket, Ontario, Canada. 
Maybe it is a training location. Check it out for yourself! 905-895-6340

TP Bitter Niagara Falls Green Party MPP Candidate Left Out Debate

Greens want their place at table back

UPS: Rooters;Tea Brewhaha Party leader Tomassino Paezzano came to the defense of Niagara Falls MPP Green Party candidate, Clarke Bitter yesterday, when Bitter was excluded from an on air radio debate with other provincial candidates, claiming his own party, the Tea Brewhaha Party has also been excluded from not only TV and radio debates, but public ones, and including the "after parties" as well.

Told the Green Party actually had someone in parliament & Green candidates running in both Canadian provincial & federal ridings across the country during elections, Paezzano stated,

 " Pffft...that's what dey hoid for yeas demselves. Our green plan, da "Greenback Program", is greener den money. We makes da Green Paaty look Blue. Y'mean? Capeche?

Bitter was reportedly bitter about the media snub and could not be reached, apparently door knocking at press time in the bitter cold.The Liberals, Conservatives and N.D.P. were too busy debating to comment.

Tea Party Brewhaha Explains War on Women declares War on Family Planning

Rooters; Ottawa, Ontario, Canada; UPS;

Tea Brewhaha Party President, Tomasino Paezzano, declared last night his statements that, " More women are needed in da home work force", and "women are da backbone of our baby makin' " were made to reflect the growing need for our society to "get back to basics", adding,


" Let's face facts. Men can't have da babies, much as dey try. Gay or not. So Women control dat situation. Our program evens da playing field up a bit and offers incentives to push women back into da homes and bedrooms, and we tink it will not only help increase the population type tings here, but as well, encourage more nurturing and stable-like environments. You know, kinda like hoases. Pet em every now and den, ride em, feed em and every ting's okay."

Told the definition of "stable' translated differently into English than his plan, which also includes making it mandatory for all non-child bearing women over 27 years of age to be housed at a state of the art women's shelter, and then put to work as " volunteers" in their " Step Back program" in the legal casinos he has planned as part of his " economics-type programs" appeared to be sexist, and would bring people back into the 60's era as far as women's rights, he replied,

" Yea, well, what was wrong wit "Leave It to Beaver" and "Bewitched" and "Lucy". Everyone knew dese women belonged at home and when dey ventured out dey gots hoit and in trouble - every time - and da families suffud. We shoulda loined from dem."

Informed they were not real people and only t.v. shows written by writers, Paezzano, known for his outrageous stunts, who claims to be  "independently wealthy" and hail originally from "somewhere in Europe", looked stunned for a second before responding,

"Pff..Yea...den explain Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Charles Bronson, Sylvesta Stallone and Aunode Swarzzenegga.

We couldn't.

New Candidate for York Regional Council

TP takes election show to the local shops

Rooters; UPS; Newmarket, Ontario, Canada;

Paezzano to bring MLG to Markham - "cheaper than building one"

Fledgling Party leader and  Tea Brewhaha Party founder , Tomassino Paezzano, called a press conference today, to declare his municipal candidacy for the York Region Council's Chairman seat being vacated by current, and 12 year chair, Bill Fisch, at the end of the term.

Paezzano wants to replace "vulgar panty shot porno" RH statue

Stated Paezzano after unveiling parts of his platform in regards to the position, " I tink I gots what it takes to run dis ting. If I have to shut down transit for 4 months to prove a point, like Fisch did, I tink I have just the right amount of balls to do it. Y'mean? Gotta hand it to 'im - Da 2nd longest transit strike in Canadian history and now highest transit fares in da country. What a legacy!"

Told, Fisch hadn't acted alone, that all the Regional Councilors and Mayors in York Region were responsible for that 2012-13 Christmas and New Year's present that devastated families, and that the Chair position is presently appointed by those same Councilors, as opposed to voted in by the public, he responded,

Paezzano wants to hire youth graffiti Artists s for region paint jobs

"You're kiddin right? You're serious. Dat's great! Den alls I gotta do is convince dese guys I'm da guy! Maybe some home visits are needed den to, ah, you know, let dem know what type of guy I am and stuff ", adding, " Yea, me and Vinny will make a point of it. Capeche?", before winking and jumping into his waiting limo.

Politician Scandal - TP accused of performing in All Male Strip Dance Review

Special Report: Rooters; UPI:
Tea Brewhaha Party President Tomassino Paeazzano denied today that he is the feature dancer, " El Camino" seen performing strip shows for women across the country this past year, and to be featured at an upcoming Fri Jan 3 2014 feature show at Stellar Hall in Newmarket, Ontario, Canada.

" El Camino" who wears a mask and has an appeal the women describe as " like Zorro on valium", uses a signature rope lassoing trick during the show and incapacitates the women temporarily as he "performs" for them. Women have been known to faint in anticipation of his roping.

Said Paexzzano of the rumour, started when he was purportedly caught taking the mask off after a show,
"You really tink I have da balls to be dis El Camino character? Faggetabaddit. I was just tryin da mask on."

Told he was also only wearing a g-string at the time Paezzano replied, " 

Hey, I just wanted to see what it felt like. You know, wit you parts all cocooned up like. It was different. But no for me." Adding, "Also, need be, I was in a drunken stupor".