New Party unveils equal rights platform

TPE NEWS  - Newmarket, Ontario, Canada - Tues August 28 2012

  Tea Brewhaha party leader Tomasino Paezzano unveiled his new equal opportunities platform at a press conference yesterday. Held at a location he says symbolized women's representation in the forestry industry, it was pointed out to him that it could also be representative of the number of female members in his own party's upper echelons. Said Paezzano of the apparent discrepancy,

  "Are you frickin serious? My secretary is a woman. My My wife's a woman. My daughter's female. They're my freakin advisers."

  Told his setting also resembled perhaps someone ducking issues or burying their head in the sand, such as he's been accused of in the past, Paezzano replied,

  " How do you get that? I don't see it. You guys are on freakin drugs. Frick you. I want to get back to the real issues of why we're here which is...ah...er...oh yea equal freakin rights for lesbian forest workers.   Adding after an aide whispered into his ear, "I mean women"

  An apparent female member of his entourage shrugged her shoulders and looked away when approached for comment.

TPE News

Tomassino Paezzano in his "eco-hat"and solar panel glasses

Party Leader goes to North Pole

Tea Brewhaha party Federal leader Tomasino Paezzano stopped at the North Pole during his cross country election campaign tour to symbolize his support for Canadian ownership, only to realize very few people actually live there. An announced "pick-up" hockey game attracted 3 non-locals.

When told he'd spent half his travel budget to stop there and would have to stay several weeks before getting out he replied, "Hey, Whattaya gonna do? Get me a brandy and some frickin hot chocolate..I hope they get T.S.N. up here....where the frick are the women?"

Prime Minister Harper, who flew in and out in a private jet the  day before, had no comment.

MP Lois Brown attends marijuana rally

Tea Brewhaha Party leader Tomasino Paezzano joined MP Lois Brown recently at a legalize marijuana rally...the event ended when they ran out of food..said Paezzano of the issue and event, 

"Listen, I don't know what was in those brownies but right now I don't even know my freakin name." 

MP Brown was not available for comment on whether she supported medical marijuana although she acted very paranoid and left immediately following the event.

Pope blesses gay wedding

Tea Brewhaha Party President Tomazino Paezzano flew lesbian rock icon Carol Pope in to help push his new Ontario "bill of gay rights" unveiled by his party Friday at a news conference. Pope almost backed out when told the bill actually included a section making it legal for lesbians to make out in public but not gay men, but reluctantly went along as seen in the picture.

When asked about why the apparent discrepancy Paezzano reportedly responded, "Are you freakin' serious? You even have to ask that question? Every man knows seeing lesbians is hot, but two guys? Fagettabaddit!"

Told the bill would likely fail because of this he repeated more slowly this time - "Fagget - a butt - it!"