Tea BHH Party reveals partial Election Strategy

Rooter; UPS; Toronto, Canada

No more free reading for goody goodies

The Tea Brewhaha Party revealed part of their election platform today after months of speculation and excuses. Tea BHH spokesperson Tomassino Paezzano revealed, at a hastily called news conference, that their tax strategy would be called The Robin Good strategy...

" Heh,heh..get it? Like Robin Hood, but Good..hehe..yea I taughta dat myself...heh heh. Anyways, Dis entails taxing everything good for you with a sort of a tax..Well, not sort of, it is a tax.

Now all doughs goody goodies will get der fair share of taxation type tings and all dat too....By my calculations, dis will collect an extra...trillion dollars in revenues, more den enough to line our pockets er.. line up rockets...Er..yea..da space program..also our Greenback Program..but we'll get to dat anudder time. Until den, take oot eas'." After which jumped into a waiting limo, saluted, and left.

Fresh air is for goody goodies - tax it in parks says TBHH Party

Free music on the street? Not with TBHH's  new street music pleasure tax.

Clockworks Orange - Anti-Terrorist Plan Tea BH Party reveals

Big Brother listening

Rooters; UPS; Ottawa, Ontario, Canada;

Tea Brewhaha Party leader, Tomassino Paezzano, announced the TBH plan to crack down on terrorism including what they call, "Clockworks Orange", referring to the orange jump suits one presumes the caught terrorists would be wearing.

The multi-point plan includes flagging every family with someone bearing the name Muhamed, or any facsimile of it, as well as creating "no go zones" that Canadians will not be allowed to go to including Russia, Serbia, most middle east countries, North Korea, China, Chechnya, Viet Nam, Pakistan, parts of Germany and possibly Greece...depending. Some paintings inside parliament, and statues, including 'gargoyle types, would be fitted with cameras and bugs in the plan.

Says Paezzano on his run for leadership of the country,

" Hey, I was de original. Trump is nuttin but a cheap freakin copy and a bum. He couldn't build a freakin' wall if I fronted him bricks, mortar, and a bribe. Me, I could, no problem, Er, ah, I mean...Let me tell you about our Clockworks Orange Plan which spots potential future bomb makers, through identifyin' dere early years interest in clocks. Hey, intervention before indeterminate detention I always say... Well, I don't always say that, and, actually dat was hard fo me but..(clears throat)... Anyway! As I say, we tink we're on da rights tracks."

Informed Canadians don't actually wear orange in our jails either he looked briefly confused, or disturbed, before replying,

 " Yea well dat will change too under Paezzano leadership....No orange who eva hoid a such a ting. Ridicoolus.""

Paezzano would fit seagulls with recording devises

Tea Brewhaha at Party Announcement

Paezzano readies for press conference

Rooters, UPS; Special Deliver; Toronto, Canada

Tomassino Paezzano came out swinging yesterday at a news conference, demanding the fledgling Tea Brewhaha Party be given official party status and a spot in the federal election debates, literally, as he knocked down his own speech writer like a scene out of The Three Stooges while overheard yelling,

" You idiot! I'll give dem so many lefts dey'll be begging for a right!"

When Paezzano finally gathered his group together he shouted,

" Dis is an outrage. We demand a spot with da big boys. Our pockets are as full as anybody's and in dis country dat makes us equals...or something like dat".

Reminded his party had no official status nor anyone anywhere voted in, ever, he replied,

" Mrs Paezzano" with Tomassino after his swanky conference

" Hey, what are ya new? We're new. Cut us some slack heea. Don't means we can't compete. Da people has to know about us and dis is one way to do it. Besides dey need new blood in da oval office or whateva its called."

Told the polls already indicated a new party is likely taking office, he replied,

" See. Dat's my point. Peoples wants's change and we wants's to give it to's 'em."

Tea BH Party announces anti-terrorism plan

Rooters; UPS; Newmarket, Ontario, Canada

TP gets serious in Ottawa

The Tea Brewhaha Party today announced their policy on combating home grown terrorism with party leader Tomassino Paezzano declaring the party would, " Annihilate da bastads", through a series of raids.

"Foist we wants to hit em where dey hoits by knocking out dere power, den dey will have no choice but to come to approach and when dey do, bam! We nail-em. No one is going to be terrorizing neighbahoods by growing low grade medicinal pot from households whilst I'm in govament"

TP licks 1st sap of season to open Pancake Breakfast

Told home grown terrorism had to do with Islamic extremists like ISIS and not " illegal" medicinal marijuana growers, he froze for a moment, twitched his upper lip and added,

"Seriously? I knew dat, I knew dat..I meant extreme Rastas..not as well known as ISIS and dem guys but nevadaless terrorist-like and cause for concoin we tink."

Informed that Rastafarian was actually a peace loving religion he replied,

"Yea, dat's what dey said about Muslims."

Crickets could be heard at that point.

Tea BHH Party Announces Position on Foreign Swear Wear

Tom Mulcair

Tea Brewhaha leader Thomasino Paessano announced yesterday in Toronto that he has almost come to an understanding with Thomas Mulcair and the Federal NDP Party to join them in a merger need be in the next election. Reminded their party had yet to elect a single candidate in any riding, Paezzano the self claimed multi-millionaire replied,

" Details, details. Our polls tell us different...and we tinks we gots a pretty good shot."

TDSB Trustee Ausma Malik

Paezzano, who managed to infiltrate a recent NDP rally in order to make his plea personally to Mulcair, declared they and the NDP were close to a deal but that the official opposition leader wanted concessions to the Tea Brewhaha's proposed "anti-newby" legislation they've managed to have someone raise in parliament  asking that Scottish kilts and tams be officially exempt from being excluded from any Canadian swearing in ceremonies.

Informed they already could, Paezzano looked semi stunned for a second before stammering,

Jennifer Hollett

" What? Well dat's not what da Scottish community is telling us. We're bein' told dey get freakin' mocked when dey wear da kilts and tams, never mind da freakin socks, and with the recent naqim or naqib or whateva controversy, dey wants no future problems with wearing tams and da like. Freak, naqib isn't even on  da freakin' spell check! Anyway I have confidence Mulcair will come around and if not we'll just work on buying off, er I mean tying off Trudeau's people..Capeche?"

Paezzano sneaks in with lighting crew

Asked about his meeting with Mulcair, Paezzano mumbled they didn't have time to talk in length, but that an understanding came to pass between them while both were in the bathroom to further chat at a later date.

" Besides", said Paezzano, "Dat chick hostess in da short red dress was freakin' smokin"

Told comments like that were sexist and that Mulcair would not condone such talk, Paezzano rolled his eyes, blew upwards at his hair, and retorted,

Mulcair sticks finger in Paezzano's ear while revealing an NDP secret

" Freak, can't even give a dame a compliment dese days witout the patrol on my case. I never even said she was sexy. I may have thought it, but I never said it wit my mouth. Out loud I mean. You know whats I means." before adding, " It's like da white element in da room."

Asked, "The white elephant you mean?", Paeassano stuttered slightly before replying, "Whateva", you knows whats i means." before exiting the conference.

TP Opens The Rob Ford Clinic - Rehab Centre for right wingers

TP courts NDP Leader Andrea Horwath

The "No Gravy Room"

Rooters; UPI; Immediate Release: Tea Brewhaha Party President #Tomasino Paezzano today announced his intention to run provincially in the election. Paezzano, a  professed self made millionaire and immigrant from "somewhere in Europe" made the expected announcement after cutting the ribbon to his newest venture called "The Rob Ford Clinic", an airport wing shaped rehab centre for "right wing politicians and senators".

                           Asked about his chances of gaining a seat over the more known parties including the surging upstart Greens, TP replied,


" I got dem freakin' saps right wheres I wants em. Da Cons is cracking up due to der name sakes and will spend da campaign explaining da feds' lies, while da Liberals gots oil all over dem, and da greens is too green right now to win. Dat leaves da NDP, and last I hoid she was single. Remember Belinda Stronach? Capeche? Y'mean?" before winking and adding,


"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a rehab centre to invent."

Drunken Stupor Rob Ford Video w Tea Brewhaha leader

Paezzano disguised as a little person at Ford Fest

News Flash! Rooters; Special Release:

Another video released by the Toronto Star depicting Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, and allegedly just off camera Tea Brewhaha party leader Tomassino Paeazzano thought to be the one heard encouraging Ford to " do it in 5 minutes", allegedly referring to a "hit" Ford wanted carried out on an individual - a wish he apparently wanted to carry out in person according to the video footage.

Ford, who is obviously impaired in the video while carrying out the threats of violence to an unknown person, had just stated the day previously that there was " nothing more to hide". He may want to retract that now.


Reached for comment T.B.H.H. party president Tomassino Paezzano had this to say,

"I do not smoke crack cocaine, nor am I an addict of crack cocaine. Also, I would never off someone dat way."

Ford was quoted saying, " Obviously I was extremely, extremely inebriated"

P.M. Harper and Senator Duffy Comments interpreted by TP

Tea Brewhaha Pres Paezzano on Canada Day

Rooters: U.P.I.; Special Report: Tea Brewhaha Party President, Tomassino Paezzano, declared yesterday that should he be elected to Ottawa he will not only abolish the senate, but create a whole new parliamentary system involving having all senators voted in by a special "inner chambers council" made up by appointees appointed by him, thus ensuring a more fair and just parliamentary system.

Asked how that would help since he would still be appointing the council that chooses the affected senate seats and therefore controlling the senate backbenchers, Paezzano replied,

TP discusses issues on Rogers TV

"Details. Yous people are always frickin stuck on details. Da council can vote for who day want, so it's totally fair. No one's twisting anyone's frickin arms heea." adding, " And don't worry, we're going to change the laws too sos dey can live where dey please and dat way dere's no more spending scandals."

TP visits a disaster relief site

Told changing the rules will simply make using tax payer money to pay for their extras easier and cost taxpayers, not save them, he retorted,

"Yea, well Dis way dere's less travel pollution and tings like dis here, which will all be explained and shown as savings when we present our plan. Now if you'll excuse me, I got tings to do... people to meet" .

Tea Brewhaha Party's coffee with Obama

Reuters: Special;Tea Brewhaha Party President Tomassino Paezzano held an impromptu press conference today outside Obama Cafe to announce a breakthrough in finding common ground with " Obama-ites".

Stated Paezzano, " I've just come from havin cawfee wit Obama's people and let me tell you, dere was a lot of nods goin on if you know what I mean.
 

"Tawk about tough negotiatas" , he continued, " Dese guys never said a freakin woid. Just nods and looks. Freak, who said dey were wusses?"

Told they were immigrants likely who spoke no english, and that the cafe had no connection to President Obama, Paeazzano looked stunned.

" P-S-Sh- Yea right..You freakin serious? I don't freakin think so. Seriously?"

Candidate for York Region Council speaks up...too soon

Tea Brewhaha party president Tomasino Paezzano announced today in a press conference his intentions to run for Town of Newmarket Regional Councilor in York Region, Ontario, Canada.

Told electioneering before the allowable date was against the rules and could disqualify him he replied,

"Yea? We'll see about dat. What about all these freakin ads advertising the best freakin town in da world as judged by some magazine? If dat ain't electionizing or whateva I don't know what is. And den a tv expo-see by the same owned media company?..Tell me dere's no payoff hea? You know'mean? Capeche? And I want in....On da Council I mean", Adding, " Whattya lookin at? What the frick did you think I meant?" Before slipping out under a Ford Nation t-shirt.

Paezzano's P.R. firm TPE Productions offered no comment.

Tea BHH Party Prez speaks out about scandal

Concerned looking Paezzano looks on

Tea Brewhaha Party President Tomasino Paessano condemned the Prime Minister of Canada today for the high profile scandal currently taking over parliament involving a pay off of $90,000 to a senator.

Paezzano was quoted saying,

" I condemn dese actions in da most way possible and anyone attached to payoffs are scumbags".

Questioned about himself having been implicated in ties to a mayor from Quebec, he responded,

' Dat's totally different. Tings work different in Montreal.Besides it was a language ting in dat case."

Said Paezzano when asked about the P.M.O.,

" Crazy Jerzy Jean" reputed Paezzano confidante

" I don't care how much he owe. He don't take public money fo' payoffs".

Newmarket Launches Rocket site

Reuters - newswire - Newmarket Ont Canada - The Tea BrewHaHa Party denied today it had plans to launch a rocket into space. Based from Newmarket, Ontario, Canada the "rocket" can be seen jutting out from its " secret" location clearly visible from the street.While locals complain the pencil-like and as yet unproven and unsubstantiated launch system could endanger nearby residents, Newmarket Mayor Tony Van Bynen says they are tax payers and are not breaking any coding regulations.

Pressed to weigh in on the "eyesore" located on party property, Tea Brewhaha party leader Tomasino Paezzano denied it was a rocket for a satellite and claimed it was art.

" Dis is a frickin' mastapiece" he purportedly said adding, "We call it, "Smokers Hill".Yea, cuzz if Youze turn da picture it looks like someone smoking. Frickin' ingenious, and has a built in subliminal-type message in dere too about smoking. Combination art/useful objects are da way of da freakin' future." Before adding, "Oh yea, and it also transmits."

  Told this, local resident Bill Wilson was relieved. Said Wilson, 
"Hmmm, now that you mention it it kind of does. As a local, I'm just glad it isn't a potential hazard. By the way, does anyone have an extra smoke?"

"Smoker's Hill" in Newmarket Ontario

Tea Brewhaha party Green Plan

TPE NEWS - Newmarket, Ontario, Canada

Paezzanos car is trashed for the Tea Brewhaha's party policy

Tea Brewhaha party leader Tomassino  Paezzano announced some of his party's green platform today. Included in it was a mandatory scrap your car week, during which everyone would take transit. Dubbed the " trash-car program", the party estimates it will help reduce greenhouse gasses by up to 70% for that week.

When told our transit systems are not able to handle all the extra business, and therefore many or most will be unable to get to, or be late for work, costing likely billions (nationally) in lost production and wages Paezzano reportedly said, " Really? Billions? You serious? I don't frickin think so. Millions maybe, but dats woith it to us. You know, to like, save de environments and stuff".

Party plan to use Clint Eastwood scuttled

Custom made masks from Myers Costumes cancelled

The Tea Brewhaha party has had it's plan to intimidate voters by having election scrutineers wear cardboard masks that resemble Actor Clint Eastwood and then have them repeat out loud to no one in particular "Go ahead, make my day" scuttled. If voters looked at them upon hearing the utterance they were then instructed to whisper, "You feel lucky?"

TB Party to use " We Want You" U.S. Army style party recruitment campaign

Said Paezzano reportedly, I don't see why not? Dees udder paaties is all just jealous dey dint tink of it foist". Adding, 

"We went by da rules with no party colours, we wasn't planning to tawk to anyone directly, and I tought dey allowed burkas things so what's da diff?", in an apparent references to the veto on his use of masks in the polls.

Despite the setback, the party plans to continue in it's quest to get someone elected somewhere...anywhere by adopting another American icon for its campaign.

TPE NEWS

New Party unveils equal rights platform

TPE NEWS  - Newmarket, Ontario, Canada - Tues August 28 2012

  Tea Brewhaha party leader Tomasino Paezzano unveiled his new equal opportunities platform at a press conference yesterday. Held at a location he says symbolized women's representation in the forestry industry, it was pointed out to him that it could also be representative of the number of female members in his own party's upper echelons. Said Paezzano of the apparent discrepancy,

  "Are you frickin serious? My secretary is a woman. My My wife's a woman. My daughter's female. They're my freakin advisers."

  Told his setting also resembled perhaps someone ducking issues or burying their head in the sand, such as he's been accused of in the past, Paezzano replied,

  " How do you get that? I don't see it. You guys are on freakin drugs. Frick you. I want to get back to the real issues of why we're here which is...ah...er...oh yea equal freakin rights for lesbian forest workers.   Adding after an aide whispered into his ear, "I mean women"

  An apparent female member of his entourage shrugged her shoulders and looked away when approached for comment.

TPE News

Tomassino Paezzano in his "eco-hat"and solar panel glasses

Party Leader goes to North Pole

Tea Brewhaha party Federal leader Tomasino Paezzano stopped at the North Pole during his cross country election campaign tour to symbolize his support for Canadian ownership, only to realize very few people actually live there. An announced "pick-up" hockey game attracted 3 non-locals.

When told he'd spent half his travel budget to stop there and would have to stay several weeks before getting out he replied, "Hey, Whattaya gonna do? Get me a brandy and some frickin hot chocolate..I hope they get T.S.N. up here....where the frick are the women?"

Prime Minister Harper, who flew in and out in a private jet the  day before, had no comment.

Roadkill Bill proposed by Brewhaha Tea Party

Muffy the cat is an actor. No animals were killed for the purposes of this article.

     Calling it "The Roadkill Bill', Tea Brewhaha Party President Tomasino Paezzano promised if elected the Tea Brewhaha Party of Canada would propose a bill that would make it law that all roadkill be collected in a timely manner and whenever possible fed to our hungry. Said Paezzano, 

 
   "Dis is frickin brilliant! We can kill two birds with one stone so to speak, or deers rather, ha, at any rate why waste it when we can feed people? Can't be any worse than the 3 days a month worth of freakin Nourish freakin soup from a food bank we give em now."

Paezzano addresses a sparse recent Quebec gathering on "Kill Bill"

  Asked if his proposed to be proposed bill would include a distinction clause recognizing a distinction between domestic or wild animals Paezzano replied, 

 

"We recognize the right to be animals at this point. We'll break that frickin dish when we get to it. For now I say bon appetito"