Helicopter Crashes City TV Party

Rooters: UPI:  

Tea Brewhaha Party President, Tomassino Paezzano, was named in a helicopter " joyriding" incident along with fellow millionaire and embattled Toronto Mayor, Rob Ford, last night with both seen circling the Toronto Sun and City TV media buildings, reportedly hovering close-by while looking in the windows, with Ford allegedly shouting,

"How do you Fzzx@##! like it!" and "Warmington, you chicken sh#@! Come out and pla-a-y-y!", referring to a Toronto Sun reporter whom Ford believes unfairly targeted him, followed by tossing several empty bottles at the windows of the building, before fleeing skyward towards the Toronto Star building. 

Angry crackheads leave Rob Ford Nation

Asked about the incident Paezzano denied being the pilot / chauffeur saying only,

"I have neva charged da mayor or any taxpaya for heliecopta related expenses, and should I have done as you say, I would have then done so", then quickly leaving before anyone could decipher what he'd said.

Newmarket's Glenway Residents Want Their Green Space Back

Bathurst St location

Rooters: Special; TPE News: Newmarket, Ontario, Canada

Tea Brewhaha Party President, Tomassino Paezzano, has taken up billboards across the province of Ontario to push his new green platform called "Green Back". Paezzano's plan apparently involves having towns sell off all their available property to "environmentally friendly developers" which would be determined by an appointed board to be formed at a future time.

Told this particular property was the last remaining undeveloped green space in town and that the " Green" movement actually was for preserving and not developing green space Paezzano responded,

" What? Are you frickin serious? Where I come from green means money, and I'm sure I'm not alone on dat. Right guys?"...." Guys? Where the frick is everyone?"(crickets chirping)

In other related local news, embattled Newmarket Councillor Maddie Du Muccio, embroiled in an ongoing dispute with Mayor Tony Van Bynen, has asked the mayor for an apology following an incident in which she claims the mayor was disrespectful. The mayor has thus far refused and when asked for a comment he was allegedly heard to mutter, 

" I don't smoke crack"

Town council meeting

Asked to clarify, Mayor Van Bynen stated he was merely saying that at least he didn't smoke crack - referring to the well publicized Toronto Mayors video - and that he had been speaking quietly to someone else, privately. 


Pushed again for comment on Ms. Dumuccio's allegations, the former bank teller turned manager turned mayor replied,

Alleged obscene gesture

" I have too much respect for my daughters, mother, aunts, friends' daughters, sisters, grand-mothers, hostel women, single moms, women women, you name it, to answer that question. Now if you'll excuse me I have a car dealership opening to attend."

At press time, a motion to hire a mediator at an estimated cost of $30,000 dollars was being considered.

TPE News

P.M. Harper and Senator Duffy Comments interpreted by TP

Tea Brewhaha Pres Paezzano on Canada Day

Rooters: U.P.I.; Special Report: Tea Brewhaha Party President, Tomassino Paezzano, declared yesterday that should he be elected to Ottawa he will not only abolish the senate, but create a whole new parliamentary system involving having all senators voted in by a special "inner chambers council" made up by appointees appointed by him, thus ensuring a more fair and just parliamentary system.

Asked how that would help since he would still be appointing the council that chooses the affected senate seats and therefore controlling the senate backbenchers, Paezzano replied,

TP discusses issues on Rogers TV

"Details. Yous people are always frickin stuck on details. Da council can vote for who day want, so it's totally fair. No one's twisting anyone's frickin arms heea." adding, " And don't worry, we're going to change the laws too sos dey can live where dey please and dat way dere's no more spending scandals."

TP visits a disaster relief site

Told changing the rules will simply make using tax payer money to pay for their extras easier and cost taxpayers, not save them, he retorted,

"Yea, well Dis way dere's less travel pollution and tings like dis here, which will all be explained and shown as savings when we present our plan. Now if you'll excuse me, I got tings to do... people to meet" .

Tea Brewhaha Party's coffee with Obama

Reuters: Special;Tea Brewhaha Party President Tomassino Paezzano held an impromptu press conference today outside Obama Cafe to announce a breakthrough in finding common ground with " Obama-ites".

Stated Paezzano, " I've just come from havin cawfee wit Obama's people and let me tell you, dere was a lot of nods goin on if you know what I mean.
 

"Tawk about tough negotiatas" , he continued, " Dese guys never said a freakin woid. Just nods and looks. Freak, who said dey were wusses?"

Told they were immigrants likely who spoke no english, and that the cafe had no connection to President Obama, Paeazzano looked stunned.

" P-S-Sh- Yea right..You freakin serious? I don't freakin think so. Seriously?"

Candidate for York Region Council speaks up...too soon

Tea Brewhaha party president Tomasino Paezzano announced today in a press conference his intentions to run for Town of Newmarket Regional Councilor in York Region, Ontario, Canada.

Told electioneering before the allowable date was against the rules and could disqualify him he replied,

"Yea? We'll see about dat. What about all these freakin ads advertising the best freakin town in da world as judged by some magazine? If dat ain't electionizing or whateva I don't know what is. And den a tv expo-see by the same owned media company?..Tell me dere's no payoff hea? You know'mean? Capeche? And I want in....On da Council I mean", Adding, " Whattya lookin at? What the frick did you think I meant?" Before slipping out under a Ford Nation t-shirt.

Paezzano's P.R. firm TPE Productions offered no comment.

Tea BHH Party Prez speaks out about scandal

Concerned looking Paezzano looks on

Tea Brewhaha Party President Tomasino Paessano condemned the Prime Minister of Canada today for the high profile scandal currently taking over parliament involving a pay off of $90,000 to a senator.

Paezzano was quoted saying,

" I condemn dese actions in da most way possible and anyone attached to payoffs are scumbags".

Questioned about himself having been implicated in ties to a mayor from Quebec, he responded,

' Dat's totally different. Tings work different in Montreal.Besides it was a language ting in dat case."

Said Paezzano when asked about the P.M.O.,

" Crazy Jerzy Jean" reputed Paezzano confidante

" I don't care how much he owe. He don't take public money fo' payoffs".

Dented Pride program launch

Dented Pride

Reuters - Newswire - Newmarket Ontario Canada -

The Tea Brewhaha Party announced its idea for assisting in poverty eradication. The program dubbed, "The Dented Pride" program will have government "partnering' with the private sector by offering to warehouse for distribution any and all dented cans or squished boxed items etc.

Says party spokesperson Tomassino Paezzano of the proposed idea, "Hey currently we toss dese out. What a frickin' waste. Instead, we'll dish it out to the poor through food banks by changing da rules a little. Dis will help thousands to eat"

Told canned items already contain high levels of diabetes causing agents and not healthy food to begin with let alone dented ones he replied,  

"Yea, well I was just gettin to dat. All this talk about aging population and cost. Dis will speed dat all up saving tons of dough. And lets face it, if we have to sacrifice someone, why not dem.  If you eradicate the hungry 'den you eradicate poverty. It's not frickin rocket science."

Tea Brewhaha's Paezzano helps speed up the aging process he says through his dented can program saving $millions.

Stunned standers-by left the room in murmurs.  

TP